The Sisterhood

Alright ladies, this one is for you.

As our lives grow busier, our webs of community grow larger, too. So how should a modern-day girl respond to community with other girlfriends?

Well, I’m glad you asked.

Ladies, if you’ve brushed up against any kind of secular media anywhere, I can pretty much guarantee that you have been exposed to a horrible example of what friendship–sisterhood–is supposed to look like. Off the top of my head, I cannot think of a single popular television show or movie that models Biblical friendship. What with all the Gossip Girls, the Mean Girls, the Gleeks, the Top Models, the vampires who keep diaries, the vampires who don’t keep diaries, the Secret Lifers, the Hills girls, and the Pretty Little Liars, it’s no wonder our concept of friendship is disfigured. The types of female “friendships” modeled for us by the world flow with gossip, betrayal, vanity, secrets, selfishness, insecurity, and lies. The claws come out. And too many young women are deceived by these models of female companionship. These worldly models of “friendship” tell us that the betrayal, the drama, the cattiness, and the gossip don’t matter as long as, at the end of the day, we end up crying on each other’s shoulders in a dramatic chocolate-induced hug-fest.

No ma’am. As Jen Hatmaker would say, “That makes it sound like we’re a bunch of sob sisters. I think of [you] as brave, capable, educated, passionate, and obedient… [able to be] mobilize[d] for great good.” Don’t allow your friendships to fall into a stereotype. Remember that the Gossip Girls are not the kind of friends that allow growth, trust, and love. That is not the kind of friendship modeled in the Bible, and that’s certainly not the kind of friendship that the Lord wants for our lives.

Ladies, friendship is the Lord’s instrument for growing us, revealing things to us, and sharpening us. He does have a purpose for friendships, and ultimately that purpose is to glorify Him and further His kingdom. Thus, as one of my favorite speakers, Marian Jordan Ellis, says, we’ll call these “kingdom friends.”

This past week I had the phenomenal opportunity to spend time with one of my closest friends–a kingdom friend, my best friend, Hannah.

I haven’t had many opportunities to see Hannah in the past couple of years due to her time in Oklahoma, Arkansas, Florida, Zambia, Georgia, North Africa (soon!), New York (soon!), Iowa, Minnesota, and Tennessee (She’s a world traveler, for sure!) However, despite the distance, she is still my closest friend. I consider her one of my many kingdom friends, and, as we talk more about kingdom friends, I’m going to use our friendship as an example to illustrate what I mean.

So the question is, “What makes a friend a kingdom friend?”

1. Intentional friendships

Ladies, intentional friendship is important. Once we begin viewing our friends as purposeful, and not disposable, our friendships will change. And when our friendships change, our lives will change, too. And when Christ changes our lives, He uses our lives as His vessels to change the world.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” -Proverbs 27:17

Intentional friendships are not accidental…Obviously.

God has specifically placed my kingdom friends in my life. Did God drop them on my doorstep and introduce them to me as my future best friends? No. But God did designate a specific time period in which for me to live; He did specifically select my dwelling place; and He directs the paths and the lives of those who walk in the light of His Word. It seems less plausible to believe that my kingdom friendships are accidental than it does to believe that an all-knowing God specifically designed our paths and lives to intersect for the ultimate purpose of His glory.

“And He made from one man every nation of mankind, to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place.” -Acts 17:26

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

Intentional friends pray for each other

Be intentional in your prayer life. You must make an effort to pray for your kingdom friends on a daily basis. Remember this: girlfriends who pray together, stay together…And girlfriends who pray for each other from hundreds of miles away stay together, too. It doesn’t rhyme, but it’s still true.

“Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” -James 5:16

2. Accountable friendships

Intentional friendship requires intentional followup. If a girlfriend shares a struggle with you, it is your responsibility to follow up with her! As time goes by, check in on her, ask her questions, send her encouragement, love on her, and keep her accountable. For example, if I began acting like a hoochie mama, you better believe  Hannah is going to call me out on it (in love!), and I would do the same for her. She is not against me; she is not out to get me. She is on my team. Kingdom friends pursue Christ together, and that means accountability, among other things.

For those of you who have far-away friends, I know how difficult intentional far-away friendship can be. Believe me, I have more far-away friends than I can count on my fingers, some farther than others. One of my closest friends, (another wonderful kingdom friend), has been living in Costa Rica for the past two years. Far-away friendships can be difficult sometimes. So here’s my advice for you: set priorities and make it realistic. For example, am I going to know everything that goes on in Hannah’s life? Of course not. She lives three hundred and fifty miles away from me, and life is busy. Sometimes, I may not get a chance to speak with her for weeks. But I can still pray for her daily. And if she ever needs me for support, encouragement, accountability, or anything else, I am going to be there for her and vice verse. Why? Because our kingdom friendships need to be a priority in our lives, ladies. Set those priorities!

“Carry each other’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” -Galatians 6:2

3. Loyal and unified friendships

God uses kingdom friendships to change the world. Ladies, your kingdom friendships are ultimately to glorify Him and make Him famous. Reject the “all-about-me” mentality. Put away selfishness, put away competitiveness, and put on loyalty and unity. Satan has been around for a long time, ladies. He knows that the Lord uses friendships to glorify Himself, and he will attack your unity. So stand by your kingdom friends, even when it is tough. Trust each other, support each other, and be on each other’s team. Sometimes that means saying the really difficult things, and speaking the truth in love. Sometimes that means listening to some things that are hard to hear, and remembering that these ladies are on your team. They are for you, not against you.

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” -Proverbs 12:15

“Preach the Word, be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage–with great patience and careful instruction.” -2 Timothy 4:2

Pursue unity. Your unity will come under attack. This is why it is important to:

• Pray for each other daily.
• Put on love. Love needs to encompass your time with each other, your words to one another, and your service towards each other.
• Ask for forgiveness
• Choose to forgive.
• Communicate openly.
• Encourage!

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” -Ephesians 4:2-3

We need community. This is why the church is so important! With companionship comes accountability, counsel, comfort, and sanctification, and Satan will attempt to destroy that by trying to break your unity!

4. Christ-centered friendships.

Look towards Christ, not at each other. As previously stated, kingdom friendships have a purpose–to glorify Christ. So it’s imperative to remember that kingdom friends should not look at each other, but should look towards Christ together. This is ultimately what binds us together, girlfriends. It’s not our commonalities nor our “friendship chemistry” that makes kingdom friends stick. Kingdom friends stand side-by-side, running together towards Christ. That is what binds us together. We run towards Christ first.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if you lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” -Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Marian Jordan Ellis puts it this way, “[Kingdom friends] are important, but they are still not Jesus. So remember to always go to the throne before you go to the phone.”

Amen, sister.